It has come to my attention that most women of the world seem to think that some men are shallow, selfish pigs by thinking their wife or partner would be more desirable if she lost some weight.
Call me a traitress, but I see nothing wrong with the man’s point of view.
I believe that society has become far too endearing. Everything is excusable, and everyone gets over-offended about everything. We have all gone into bitch mode and don’t know how to handle some constructive criticism without falling apart. Therefore, nothing can be criticized out of fear of offending somebody…even if the criticism is warranted.
DISCLAIMER: Before you read this…I am not talking about a 5-10 lb. weight gain, and neither is the study. It is also not referring to women who began as underweight individuals and then gained weight up until a healthy level. This is referring to women who have gained 30+ lbs. for no reason, and continue to gain it without care.
There was a rather large debate on FaceBook awhile back regarding this topic. A survey interviewed a large number of men about various topics, such as sex, relationships, and lifestyle. This one however, caused the most controversy and the most heat among the females. Here is a result from the study, taken from AskMen.com:
“48% of men said they would leave their partner if she became fat.”
Now, while I don’t necessarily think it’s right that a man would drop his partner if she gained some weight, I can hardly blame him for losing attraction and having second thoughts if she refused to better herself.
In the same respect, women have been known to do similar things. If your man is suddenly broke and refuses to find a new job and just play video games all day, would you want to stick around that, regardless of how much you loved him? Unlikely. This isn’t because you are necessarily a gold digger, or very shallow. It just shows a lack of caring on the man’s part. Nobody wants to be with someone who doesn’t care, and who doesn’t take care of themselves. Nobody wants to be with someone who disregards everything and stops giving a fuck about what happens to them.
As far as men who want their partner to lose weight if she happens to let herself go…I’m sorry ladies, but a man is not going to change overnight for something that has been biologically programmed into his head since the dawn of time. A man sees what he deems an attractive specimen, and makes a beeline for her, subconsciously knowing that she would breed good children and make a good mate.
Attraction and love are two very different things. No one ever falls in love at first sight. They can however fall into lust. Have you ever seen a very attractive guy or celebrity and think, “Holy shit, I’m so in love!” This is why we have so much confusion these days. While some men may have been attracted to your personality, 99% of men upon first encounter will be attracted to your physical appearance more than “what’s inside” since the outside is the first thing they see.
Don’t take offense to this, however. There is no stopping a biological response to an attractive woman. A guy will see an attractive woman and approach her simply because she is attractive, regardless of what her personality is like. If he finds that she is intolerable, he may leave her. But you see what I’m getting at, yes? Attraction is always the first thing. A man cannot sense your personality from across the room without ever having heard you speak. But he saw your pleasant smile, lovely body, and confidence, and thought he would approach you and ask you your name.
Men were not programmed to see your inner beauty upon first encounter. Men look at Megan Fox and all they can think of is procreating with her because of her looks, not because they know her well and think she has a beautiful personality.
“I didn’t have a perfect body when my husband fell in love with me! He loved me 50 lbs. ago and he loves me even more now, and I’ve gained 100 lbs. since our marriage!”
So…you managed to find a guy who looked past physical appearances and fell in love with you as a person. You’re pretty damn lucky, I won’t lie.
But how many of you get offended if your husband or boyfriend points out you need to lose some weight? COUNTLESS women will yell at him and cry and tell him he’s hurt their feelings. Despite the fact he gave you a chance and showed you that looks are not the only important thing, as soon as he asks for a little something in return to make you more physically appealing to him, you throw it in his face and whine to your girlfriends about how he’s “so mean”.
Your husband may still love you, but it doesn’t necessarily mean he is very happy. That being said, if your husband or boyfriend completely let himself go and gained 100 lbs, you might still love him, but you also might not be as attracted to him as you used to be.
Here’s an excerpt from an article I read regarding this subject as well, which pretty much sums things up:
“He’s found someone who he liked for non-physical reasons; somehow noticed the chubby girl standing in the corner with a Mai Tai and for some reason actually approached her while every fiber of his loins told him to instead saunter up to the moist mammal in the tube top whose ass is such an example of geometric perfection that Archimedes himself would have shouted Eureka at its sight.
He somehow saw the diamond in the rough that is you and is willing to help you hack at the overgrowth to get to the jewel.
He’s not insisting you develop a passion for midget wrestling or that you give up meat. He’s not asking you to give up your religious beliefs and instead worship the Rutabaga god that commands his faith. And neither is he asking you to submit to his sexual perversion, which involves nipple clamps, a bucket of canned meat, and a 15-horsepower leaf blower.
All he’s asking is that you lose 15 pounds.”
And you know what? He’s right. And more than likely, you probably need to lose a little more than 15. He’s just hoping you’ll get motivated after losing 15 and go on to losing another 25.
All men and their wants aside, why would you not want to do this for yourself, if not anyone else? You should be trying to maintain your appearance and health regardless of whether your partner thinks you’d look better doing so or not. The kind of women who complain about this are the ones that get married and turn into Jabba the Hutt, expecting their husband to continue to feel the same way he did when they met, without ever wishing for anything more. They feel like now that they have a ring on their finger, they don’t have to worry about attracting anyone anymore, so anything goes.
Let’s get real, ladies.
Despite how much he loves you, sometimes a man just can’t stand to watch their woman go from 10 to zero in a matter of years. Despite how much he adores you and thinks you’re a wonderful person, if he loses attraction to you and can’t get aroused because having sex is like playing hide and go seek with your fat rolls or making love to a butterball turkey, you can’t expect him to have a healthy relationship.
It’s hard to not be giving in to the temptress at the bar he goes to on the weekends with the perfect body and sultry eyes, simply because she is attractive. It’s not that he doesn’t love you, it’s that he isn’t attracted to you, and one cannot function very well romantically in a relationship if the attraction is fading.
I’m sure we would all love for men to see our inner beauty before our external beauty, but it’s just not how it works. Through history, beautiful women have brought kings to their knees, and other powerful figures to ruin. Beauty has more control over a man than you could ever imagine (don’t hate me for letting out the secret, guys).
Going from slim/normal to being fat as soon as you’re married shows a lack of care and respect for yourself. No man is going to want to be around that. TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY. Why wouldn’t you want your husband/boyfriend to find you attractive? Is having another donut and watching TV instead of working out more important to you than being healthy and keeping your man and more importantly, YOU happy?
And I say you, because I haven’t met a woman who gained so much weight in a period of time who was happy over the fact that she gained the weight. Most of the time they bitch and moan about “skinny girls” and how they’re “so unhealthy”, and then proceed to stick their face into a tub of ice cream, and complain about their fail genetics.
One of the reasons your man is not comfortable with pointing these things out to you is that 98% of the time if he told you that you needed to lose some weight, you’d probably cry and get defensive. And then when he gets fed up and leaves, it’s suddenly:
“Why didn’t he just say something about my weight? Jerk! I deserve better!”
It has nothing to do with being a “real man” either, so don’t pull that crap. A REAL man is more visual than a woman. Never put all of this on men. If a man gets fat in a relationship, it’s his fault…but when a woman gets fat, it’s suddenly the man’s fault. See what I’m getting at?
Responsibility for your actions is where it’s at. Respect for your partner is where it’s at. Respect for yourself and your body is where it’s at. If you love and have respect for the person you love, you will do things to help keep him happy. I know guys who gave up their lazy lifestyles and hit the gym just because they knew their girlfriend would like it.
So why aren’t women willing to do that for men?
Instead of expecting your partner to be happy to ride the waves, why don’t you just lose some weight? It’s not the end of the world. No one is saying you’re a hideous beast, and no one is forcing you. It’s not as difficult as people make it out to be either.
But this is a choice that YOU have to make. Nobody can change you for you. I’m just giving a fair warning of a strong possibility of what may happen if you stop caring.
Same goes for you. If your lady if putting in the work and keeping herself in shape, it’s your responsibility to keep in shape as well. NOBODY should be letting themselves go. So put the bag of chips down and pick up a barbell.