So over the last two weeks or so, there has been quite a lot of hype over the Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. When I first heard about this, I was neutral to it. I love Victoria’s Secret lingerie and I can admit to being a complete lingerie fiend, so I do enjoy watching these sorts of things.
I had unfortunately missed the live broadcasting on the day of the show, but had intended to watch it at a later date. I wasn’t surprised when I logged on to Facebook and saw all the posts by both male and female individuals regarding the show. I was even less surprised to see that all of them could fit into perfect stereotypes.
The men had statuses that fell under two pretty general statements:
“That’s the goal, ladies. Get to it.”
and:
“Wives, girlfriends, and women all over the world will be going into deep depression tonight.”
And so on.
I chuckled at most of them. Men will be men, and it was funny to see their reaction to the show and even funnier to see that the ratio of men to women watching this fashion show was at least a 5:1. Again, not so surprising.
The women’s responses were to be expected, and I could tell what every girl was going to post on their status before they even posted it.
“Those girls are so skinny! How can guys even like that, really?”
“Oh man, the models make me want to go anorexic!”
“I don’t want to look like those girls. I don’t want to have to starve myself to get that shape.”
“I see a bunch of sticks walking around on stage dressed in lingerie. This is exciting.”
“Fake boobs, fake hair, fake smile, loads of makeup, and stilettos. That’s a Victoria’s Secret Angel for you.”
Adriana looked absolutely amazing in this. One of my favorite outfits or hers during the show.
Well, I had to see what all the fuss was about. So I snuggled up with a large blanket and a cup of coffee, and proceeded to watch 45 minutes worth of lovely ladies prancing around in their underwear on stage.
Let me be clear on something: I think Victoria’s Secret models are absolutely drop-dead sexy.
This isn’t to say that they have my goal physique, or that it’s something I strive for, or that it’s even something I recommend striving for. I am saying that these women are beautiful, and carry themselves in a way that most women could only dream of. Fashion designers and photographers search the GLOBE for these kinds of women who not only carry an elegant air about them, but that have beautiful features and bubbly personalities to match.
Candice has the most beautiful structure.
Anyway.
I hate the way men and women create a barrier between themselves by saying things from a negative stand point. Words are very powerful things, and they can make or break someone.
Please note I am NOT taking sides either. I am again, completely neutral.
NOTE TO MEN:
Before posting things like this or saying these sorts of things to women, try to think about what you’re saying in a reasonable manner. First off, if you really wanted your wife or your girlfriend to look like this, you wouldn’t begin by saying things like “Girls everywhere will fall into depression tonight”. Regardless of how much truth is in those words, it does not help anything one bit.
Women by nature are extremely emotional creatures. They have tendencies to be insecure, jealous, competitive, comparative, and many of them rely on the reassurance of their men to let them know that they still think they are beautiful.
Should they have more security and confidence? Certainly. And maybe you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t want to sugar-coat things and tell the girl, “No, the dress doesn’t make you look fat at all.” When really you’re thinking, “That bandage dress makes you look like a lumpy sock.”
But you have to understand that even if you pressure a woman into looking a certain way by making blatantly insensitive statements, she will still never be secure with herself. She will always feel like she isn’t good enough and that she’s “too fat” and needs to “diet more”, etc. And that’s when you have men posting on forums and asking their buddies how they can get their woman to stop being so insecure.
You might like it if she looked like Candice, but making her feel bad that she doesn't won't help her get there.
I am NOT saying that men are the cause of women’s insecurity at all. All I am saying is to be mindful of how you bring things across, because it can affect the way they view themselves and the method they use to get to that goal, and will determine whether you have a hot yet confident girlfriend on your hands, or a hot yet extremely insecure one instead.
There are rare cases where the woman is not off-set by the comment and will use it as motivation, and those women are wonderful creatures, and you should be happy to have one on your hands. However, most women simply won’t react in this way upon hearing a negative comment.
Keep in mind that these models are chosen based on their height and structure as well. They are all tall, and most of them born naturally slimmer. Not to say that it doesn’t take work to improve upon and maintain their current look, but a shorter person with a larger bone structure would never be accepted in a Victoria’s Secret fashion show simply because they didn’t have the ideal structure. This is the way it works in the modeling world. This is why all women can’t look like this simply through diet and exercise.
Your body also has a natural set-point with bodyweight, and not all women are born the same. Some have naturally smaller structures and slimmer physiques, and their set-point is much lower, making it easier for them to attain this look without doing too much damage to their hormones. Going too much lower than your set-point can often result in a disruption of menstrual cycles, and can bring on osteoporosis.
These women did not become models because someone was telling them that is what they should look like. They became successful models because they had a passion for that look, and for that industry. Their hard work that they put into achieving their physique and making it up to the top was a result of their own choices for themselves.
PRESSURING and making people feel insecure is not what is going to give them the confidence to get back into shape. It’s going to make them approach their physique changes in a negative manner.
No bueno.
So to tell women that this is what they should strive for without knowing their past when it comes to body image and relationship with food, you could be enforcing negative views and destructive behavior.
Even if you want to shrug it off and see it as me overreacting, I’m telling you right now that your carelessness with your words could be the trigger for someone’s eating disorder or distorted image of themselves. You cannot mold everyone into looking how you want them to look.
You never know, so watch your words. That’s all I’m trying to say.
And if you simply don’t care whether or not your words have a negative impact on those around you, then you are an asshole, and I wish you best of luck with forming long-lasting relationships in the future…because you’re going to need it.
WOMEN:
Putting each other down is not going to help either. While I don’t necessarily try to achieve the look of one of these models, they are still (for the most part) relatively healthy and active women. They are not typical runway models that completely starve themselves and drop like flies. They still eat healthy, and get plenty of exercise.
Yes they are thin. So what?
I myself prefer the look of a thicker/curvier physique for a woman because I believe it’s more healthy and sexually appealing (no homo, just saying).
However, posting the kinds of statuses I stated earlier only makes you appear insecure. Honestly speaking, I believe it’s done as a sort of self-assurance from your friends and family that you really are beautiful.
You shouldn’t have to have that kind of constant reassurance. And even if you need reassurance, don’t post your insecurities for everyone to see. It’s unattractive and fueled by jealousy. If you really did not care for how these women looked you would not see a reason to put them down.
I draw the line when it comes to what is healthy and what isn’t healthy. When people start developing terrible relationships with food and with their body and when they stop functioning normally, I believe they need to take their health more seriously and listen to their bodies.
And from what I see, quite a few of these women display even less neuroticism with their eating habits than some of your most beloved fitness models. Kind of ironic, huh?
But don’t hate on Miranda Kerr because she’s thin. She’s still healthy and just had a healthy baby only months before she stepped on the show stage wearing barely anything, and looking just as vibrant as ever. These women have managed to still keep their sex appeal and femininity, and they have load of confidence. That to me is beautiful regardless of their body size.
Now that's a hot mom!
Does this mean you have to strive to look like her? Not at all. You don’t even have to like the way her body looks. All I’m asking you to do is LET IT GO. Stop letting your jealousy be known to all the world, because no one wants to hear about it.
Focus on improving yourself first and foremost.
—————————-
All that being said, EVERYONE can benefit from doing more squats.
As a final note, if it’s perfectly acceptable for men to post things regarding how their women should look, it should also be perfectly acceptable for their wives and girlfriends to post pictures of nice-looking men and say:
“Hey guys, this is the goal…get to it.”
Pick your poison. Don’t dish it out unless you want it thrown back at you, just saying.
Great post….I am one of those comparative girls, and I have major insecurities dealing with my relationship…so it does bother me that guys say those types of things. But from my perspective, I need to remember that they are gorgeous—but that doesn’t mean I’m not good looking…and it doesn’t mean I am a fat lard. I think that’s my issue…I personally look sick at that weight, and I shouldn’t even begin to think I could look like them— but that is OK!
Great post Christine, and while I do agree with the majority of it, I take issue with the statement, Women…” are insecure, jealous, competitive, comparative, and pretty much rely on the reassurance of their men to let them know that they still think they are beautiful.” This sweeping generalization is simply false. Some women, yes. Just like some women have dark hair, it doesn’t mean that all do. And what happens if a woman doesn’t have “her” man to tell her that? Does that mean she will sink into a dark depression because she has no one to reassure her insecurities? If that’s the case, I’ve been doing it wrong for two years.
You’re right! I have edited it slightly.
This is an awesome post. I’ve always felt icky reading those Facebook posts that say negative things about thinner models. I’ve always felt they make the poster look insecure, but wasn’t sure how to express my feelings. Thanks for putting them into words!
Great post. These were pretty much the two types of reactions that I had a lot of trouble with. What both sides need to realize is this: These are models who are being paid a helluva lot of money to maintain a certain standard to beauty that deemed marketable. So whether or not “you” personally think they are beautiful, tbh I doubt they care! On the other hand, if as a guy you are going to hold all other women (who have non-physique-related jobs and lives) to this standard, well, prepare for disappointment. These women are naturally gorgeous, but their standard of living depends on them looking like they do. Not everyone woman has those sort of physical requirements, nor should they.
I, too, prefer a curvier, fit-looking physique but I think as women we set ourselves back by lashing out at other women’s bodies (OMG SHE’S WAYYY TOO SKINNY/FAT). Rather we should examine the reason WHY we feel compelled to say these things and criticize those aspects of society.
Besides, I can hardly bash VS, I buy much too much of their merchandise for that!
I agree completely!
I love this post!!
I get so irritated when people bash Victoria Secret models. And when guys make stupid comments to their girlfriends. But while the latter is usually more carelessness than cruelty (that’s a different issue), the former always sounds insecure.
I had a similar reaction when that model Renn dropped some weight and people immediately called her anorexic and “caving in” to pressure. In reality, she didn’t like being a plus sized model because she had to eat a ton to keep that weight on. So she wound up somewhere in the middle, at a place she was comfortable and happy, and got trashed for it. I got cranky because it wasn’t caving to pressure at all — she’s a size 8, which is between plus sized and regular models.
I read some article once on how the Victoria Stage mode’s prep for the show. Yeah, they get really strict right before the show, but really, no duh. I’d be vigilant too if the world was going to see me scampering around in my undies. It’s the same as prepping for a stage meet.
And you’re right — those girls are so beautiful!
Oh, and what a stud muffin! Teehee, if you didn’t have a BF, I would have asked if you snapped that as he was leaving your house
I do think it’s funny how a chubby out of shape guy can look in the mirror and be “Yup, still got it!” whereas a girl will imagine new pockets of fat appearing. I know this is a very overgeneralized statement, but it’s true to some extent.
And in the same respect, one of the models actually had to GAIN 10 lbs. to get on the runway…that’s almost unheard of! She actually has difficulty keeping on weight, and she had a huge potluck at her house after the show. Doesn’t sound too much like starvation to me. And since when is a size 8 “anorexic”? I mean, really.
They do get very strict right before stepping on stage, but that’s not how their diet/regime is 365 days out of the year.
My boyfriend wouldn’t be caught dead wearing something like that. It’d be nice if he had a change of heart though
Guys in general seem to have more confidence than girls do. We should learn a thing or two from them.
GREAT post, Christine. I was nodding all the way through it
I’m like you – I think the VS models are beautiful, but none of them really have the body I’m aspiring to achieve. I appreciate the efforts they go through to get in that condition and I think most women who attack them or call them too skinny are really just fuelling their own insecurities. It’s funny because I really used to want to look like these models, but my whole mindset has completely changed now!
I feel like I’m pretty confident in my own skin. When I’m in great shape I appreciate it and any negative comments (luckily) just fall off my back. My husband tells me I’m beautiful often, but he often will be honest with me if something isn’t flattering. I think we have a pretty good balance between being honest with each other but not too honest…
I love the picture at the end too haha
Love this post, especially the end, get to it boys! Lima was definitely doing some squats to prep for this bc her booty looked better than I’ve ever seen it! I cringe every time I hear women being their own genders worst enemies. There are lots of body types out there and just as many views on what “perfect” is. If women focused more on loving their own bodies and less on criticizing someone else’s we would have much happier confident babes around! -Paula
She looked beautiful. My favorite next to Miranda Kerr.
And yes, there will always be different strokes for different folks.
That may be the goal, but I am NOT wearing white rockstar jeans. Do you know how hard it is to keep those clean? Really.
Haha! They should be a staple in every guy’s wardrobe…if only to wear in the bedroom if you’re too timid to go out in public with them
Yeah, they should think of those jeans as the men’s version of the frilly impractical lingerie we put on just so that our lovers can remove it five minutes later.
Since you mentioned double standards, should we treat men’s insecurities the same way? Be constantly mindful of what we say around them to avoid making them feel insecure?
I don’t really think that’s a good idea myself.
I’m fine with women being able to tell men what they should look like. They do anyway. They certainly don’t seem to have any problem with telling me that I’m “too bulky” and that I should look like a skinny soccer player. (and often the ones who do this would need lose to plenty weight, not just to look like a Victoria’s Secret model, but even to look like a plus size model. But I don’t tell them this, because that would be wrong.)
While you don’t have to sugar-coat and you should NEVER lie to somebody about something, I do think that it’s good to be mindful of other people’s feelings.
If any girl or woman is telling you that you are “too bulky” and that “you should look like this”, it just proves how shallow she is. That’s all I have to say.
And like I said, if anyone dishes it out, they should expect it to be thrown back at them. Someone can’t say that you should look a certain way if they have some serious work to do themselves.
It’s funny, I’ve always been one to look at them and say out loud, “They are way too skinny and probably so unhealthy! And so unnatural!” However, inside, I’m extremely jealous. Which is also weird, because I prefer a curvier physique, too. I think because I struggle with food so much, I get jealous of those who can deal with food more easily than myself. It doesn’t help that the standard for clothing is to have that thinner, “straighter” physique. But, I agree with what you said. I shouldn’t dish out what I can’t take, and if knew what people were saying about my body, especially with a fat gain of 20 lbs since August, I would be crushed and it would be a major blow to my already fragile self-esteem.
I do say bravo to the article as a whole, because I’m so tired of people criticizing Victoria’s Secret for the skin they show and the models they use. Really? While there is such a thing as modesty, and I do believe in it to an extent, it’s LINGERIE. And they are a company out to make a profit, and having a few, select models with beautiful bodies model beautiful lingerie is going to help them make that profit. Period.
Great post Christine! Nicely said, as always
Great post. My husband and I watched some of it together last night. I have no issues with him admiring the women – they are stunning, I admire them too! And the outfits were amazing too. My husband posted on Facebook “Victorias Secret fashion show on tv now!” I liked his post. Then his brother commented later saying “I bet you have almost all the married men scared to post anything on your update!” And he is probably right… which is kinda sad!
Confidence and enthusiasm and most of sexiness, really. That’s why a model-like woman who says, “I’m so fat” is less attractive than a not-model woman who feels confident in her body and has open lust for her man.
Beauty is about more than the size of your bum. It’s the whole package.
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I know I’m totally late to this post, but I wanted to comment on how well stated this was. I absolutely love your viewpoint on this, it’s pretty refreshing. I kind of expected to read another model-bashing post (not saying that you’d do that sort of thing, but ya know..) but instead you approached it in a total different direction. I watch the show every year, because I love VS (and who doesn’t enjoy watching those girls prance around in their undies..) and although I strive for nothing close to the physique of the models and do not encourage others to, I understand that it’s their job to look like that. i just think it’s sad that there are women and girls who watch it and base their worth on how their bodies do or don’t look