I eated all the acornz.
While browsing Facebook this morning, I came across a post that made me partially angry, and partially sad. It was a story of the fat vs. thin debate that has been going on for years.
I am all about confidence, loving your body, keeping a good body image, staying positive, and being comfortable in your own skin. I am also a HUGE advocate of health and well-being.
What I am not a supporter of, is the war going on between overweight people and thin people. Overweight people hate being made fun of by thin people just as much as thin people hate getting berated by the overweight people. There is a difference between having confidence, and making attacks on the other body shape to try and “1 up” yourself when there is no room for you to be critical.
Here was the story, and I will include my thoughts and break-down below.
A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was “This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?”
The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:
“Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.Mermaids do not exist.
But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?Without a doubt, I’d rather be a whale.
At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn’t enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: “How amazing am I?! “
This story is not inspiring. It is not a motivator. In fact, I think it does more harm than good. And at some points it’s so ridiculous I can’t help but laugh.
First of all, the gym poster was terrible. Likening someone to a whale and then another thinner woman as a mermaid is not as much motivation as you would think it is. If anything, it can provoke body image disorders, discouragement, and depression. I’m also sure there would be plenty of fat mermaids if they existed, in the same way that there would be thin ones.
Yes, whales are beautiful and majestic creatures. But I’m sure they’re also a healthy weight for their bone structure, and height. A lot of women would be a perfectly healthy weight if they were 12 inches taller.
You can enjoy ice cream with your kids without going for seconds and thirds.
When the woman spoke of the mermaid having “split personality disorder” it had nothing to do with her point that she made later in the story. It may have been a clever thought, but still had no relevance.
As for no sex life, how would mermaids reproduce (if they existed) if they somehow had no sex life and couldn’t have children? Strong logic. I wouldn’t say that it’s safe to assume that a mermaid would be lonely and sad, just like I don’t think it’s safe to assume that all whales feel happy, loved, and carefree.
And whales sing incredibly well? Really? Have you ever HEARD a whale “sing”? The only thing a whale can trump is Justin Bieber. Or maybe me. I kind of sound like a whale when I try to hit the high notes.
Also, if mermaids smell like fish, a whale smells worse…TRUST ME.
So go ahead and eat ice cream with your kids. Have dinner with your husband, and enjoy drinks and great food with your family and friends! Did you know you could do ALL of that while still being fit and healthy? Shocking, isn’t it?
You just have to stop being lazy and making excuses for being overweight at the same time.
I’m against the media portraying an unrealistic view on how a woman should look. Fashion models are dangerously thin most of the time, and are not a good example of what is a healthy weight for a woman. But just because someone is fit and thin, does not mean that they don’t enjoy their life just as much as you do.
Does it feel good when you have difficulty walking several flights of stairs without becoming breathless and have to take the elevator?
Does the ice cream taste as good to you after taking a visit to the doctor to hear that there is fat accumulated around your vital organs?
Does the joint pain and sluggishness ever get to you?
Healthy curves are one thing. Fat rolls are quite another. I love curves on a woman, and I think it makes them look very feminine and beautiful. But by the time your stomach is hanging over your pants, it’s time to start being a little less fat and happy and get serious about your health.
Example of what "fit curves" look like. Healthy, and not in excess.
And in the same respect, if you are a THIN woman and are not menstruating, or are experiencing health problems, your issue is just as bad as the overweight person’s. You need to get yourself to a healthy weight where you are operating normally and doing well.
I don’t like the fact that overweight women are harshly criticized and judged, but I also don’t like how overweight women put down the efforts of those who try to stay fit, healthy, and in shape. They disregard the hard work because they don’t have the willpower to do it themselves. Being fit is not about “genetics” and getting to “eat whatever you want”. It’s because those who are fit work their asses off so that they can enjoy their life while staying in excellent shape.
I have to re-quote this part, mainly because it made me laugh the most:
We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn’t enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Not only does that make no fucking sense whatsoever, it’s the most outlandish and ridiculous excuse I have ever heard for weight gain. EVER.
My excuse for weight gain this past year? I ate. A lot. That’s about it.
So ladies, lets make this about being fit and healthy. Thin isn’t beautiful. Fat isn’t beautiful. HEALTH is beautiful. Rather than making excuses, redirect your focus and realize that you can be fit and healthy as well as enjoying your life just as much, if not more than when you were overweight. You just have to put in the work.
Amen.
Agreed!
This is pure awesomeness.
Fucking amen. I saw the same story and thought it was a pile of bollocks too!
I agree…I think that there is a fine line between accepting and just throwing everything to the wind and having 5 servings of ice cream…but that also means that not everyone will look like that bikini pic. I’m at a healthy weight and am very active but I wish I had abs like that!
Of course! My point was not that everyone looks or should look like Jaime Koeppe, but that they should at least strive for healthiness and fitness as much as possible. Keep up the good work girl!
To-fuckin’-ché!
I don’t think it’s right to make fun of overweight women, but for whatever reason people think it’s okay to put down thin women. Double standard much?
Precisely.
Beautifully deconstructed and well put.
Yes Ma’am, that is what i call brilliantly full of sense. I agree, her last comment made NO sense whatsoever! Excellent post today.
This is a super awesome blog post. I love that you’re able to articulate the problems with the FB message in a manner that’s not fat-hating, female-hating or even offensive in any way. It’s realistic about body differences while at the same time promoting healthy behaviors for EVERYONE.
Preach!
Glad you liked it Lauren!
some of your comments are accurate about healthy living in general but here’s where you failed in deconstructing your argument-
Major Fail- You have no idea what the woman that wrote that story looks like (the pic was not of her btw it was a french model) OR her health condition. She saw that poster at the GYM. Clearly she makes the effort to go. You have no right to assume that she is someone that is sluggish, can’t get up stairs or has joint pain. You also have No right to assume that she goes for seconds or thirds of ice cream. Fact, everyone’s metabolism is different (especially, may I remind you the older you get) and she will Metabolize the same bowl of ice cream you eat differently yet you’re criticizing her. You say you’re a proponent of everyone being at their “ideal body weight” yet seem pretty unforgiving as your idea of Healthy curves is the picture above? You say you hate women being harshly criticized and judged for being overweight yet that’s EXACTLY what you’ve done. You’re a hypocrite.
So here’s your criticism- Not everyone is twenty something with more free time than they can shake a stick at. She is speaking to people that are doing the best they can to be healthy while living the best life possible with their families and friends and don’t need to be berated at an institution that she goes to TO do her best. That’s what the story is about not reinforcing poor lifestyle choices.
Minor Fail- You stooped to the very same level you criticized the original author for going to when you started presuming you knew the emotional state of whales etc and you criticized their singing and smell? Really? that’s a well articulated point?
I posted this story on my Facebook page this morning and of the six women that liked or commented on the story none are overweight or lead the lifestyle that you are attacking in this blog. You are waging the war here no one else.
I’ll have to say that you are wrong. We can agree to disagree.
I know that the person has an unknown bodyweight. I never said she was fat. I’m not necessarily talking to only the woman in the story, I’m talking to those who are overweight who believe the same thing. And you’d be surprised at how many people think in that way that are overweight.
The picture above is perfectly healthy. It’s a body that any woman (aside from some obvious genetic set-backs such as body shape) can achieve without going insane, and with a little hard work and dedication to a healthy diet. To say that you can’t is ridiculous, because it’s not an unachievable body by ANY means whatsoever. She has a healthy level of body fat, is active, and fit, but still maintains her femininity and isn’t taking things overboard.
I have not harshly criticized at all.
Her story still doesn’t make sense at all, and doesn’t prove why being a “whale” is better than being a “mermaid”. Which are ridiculous terms in the first place, and even saying them out loud still makes me cringe. The bottom line is, you should be happy no matter what and not feel pressured, but she basically just advocated being “overweight and happy” in place of being smaller and fit with no ACTUAL reason. It’s not about whether or not one body shape is better than the other, but the fact that she assumed a “whale” is happier than the “mermaid”, makes no sense because there’s no back-up other than assumption and using a lot of overweight people’s belief that they’re the happier ones because they’re not “depriving” themselves.
And LOL I never presumed to know the emotional state of whales. I said her presuming she knew the emotional state of mermaids was LIKE me presuming that all whales are happy, feeling loved, and carefree, which I cannot say because I do not know. It’s like trying to prove your religion. You’ll never know until you die. And in the same respect, the only way you’ll really the emotional state of whales and mermaids is by asking the whale or the mermaid itself.
I criticized the singing and smell because I thought they were funny parts of the story that had absolutely no relevance to whatever point she was trying to bring across.
“And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?”
….you honestly don’t think I would respond to that in a laughable manner? Is her comment any more warranted? I’m laughing at it because it’s ridiculous. No man wants his lady to smell like fish. But smelling like a whale instead….I don’t know. I’m not a guy so I can’t speak for all the men in the world, but if I was a man I’d pass.
Have a nice day.
I’m not particularly sure where the blogger criticised women for being overweight. Could you please cite an example?
Further, just because the original author might not go for seconds or thirds of ice-cream isn’t relevant. The fact the a large portion of society does eat too much is. That is the point. By exercising a little self control most of the adult population can maintain a healthy weight irrespective of any differences in metabolism (which may not be as factual as you assert).
“You are waging the war here no one else”
Well, actually, it looks like the blogger refrained from commenting on the facebook post which would only raise people’s ire. You are the one who came in here and attacked their reasonable worded opinion.
Agreed.
So first things first. I agree. With one caveat: I think it’s confidence that’s beautiful, not necessarily health. Now let me explain: I don’t think these people — thin or fat — who put down others who have different body shapes/types/whatever are confident. In fact I think they’re extremely UNconfident (is that a word? Doubt it): they are putting others down to make themselves feel better. But I think someone who is a little over or even UNDER weight but who is truly confident and comfortable with her body is a million times more beautiful than even a healthy person who is not comfortable & confident in her own skin.
Oh, and the moment I was huffing and puffing up stairs, 3 years ago? Was the moment I *had* to change my life. No one wants ot be that person who is out of breath at the top of a flight of stairs, whether they admit it or not.
And finally. Dude the fact that you actually know who I am (I’m referencing facebook here….) TOTALLY made my day. You’re like a celebrity. I talk to my husband (bodybuilding.com…patsfan313! if you must know. hahaha.) about your posts ALL the time and have for like over a year. So yeah.
You’re 100% right, confidence is the biggest key!
I saw you on FB completely by random and knew I had to add you, so I hope you don’t mind!
This post is brilliant, especially this part:
“I don’t like the fact that overweight women are harshly criticized and judged, but I also don’t like how overweight women put down the efforts of those who try to stay fit, healthy, and in shape. They disregard the hard work because they don’t have the willpower to do it themselves. Being fit is not about “genetics” and getting to “eat whatever you want”. It’s because those who are fit work their asses off so that they can enjoy their life while staying in excellent shape.”
Your post summarises the way I feel every single day. I’m sick of people taking one extreme or the other. There’s such a thing as living life in moderation, but the problem is ordinary people have lost sight of what moderation is. Moderation is not having a chocolate bar at the end of every meal you eat. I don’t even understand how people develop such lazy attitudes and unhealthy relationships with food. Every time I say anything like this I get absolutely crucified though, so I’m interested to watch the backlash, which has only been mild so far
I don’t think anyone has the right to crucify me for this post. I’m not attacking anyone, and I’m not going on Facebook and starting rivalry and drama, or saying anything mean and nasty.
The thing is, you can say whatever you want about a thin person. Most people really won’t care. But the moment you bring anything up about someone who is overweight, it’s like you’re the antichrist. It seems taboo in today’s society.
I have even had this discussion with overweight people before, so anyone getting offended over this really shouldn’t be, since it’s saying nothing but “eat less, move more, be healthy.” And if that’s offensive then maybe they shouldn’t be reading this blog.
“Thin isn’t beautiful. Fat isn’t beautiful. HEALTH is beautiful”
Hell yeah
Great post!
Same post, same reaction. And I wanted to smack my friends who were passing it around. Fat being a sign of WISDOM?!?!?! It made me think of nuggets of wisdom…but the only nuggets affecting one’s ass are chicken nuggets.
Great blog regarding this “whale/mermaid” post going around Facebook. Health is definitely beautiful. We all come in different shapes and sizes but no one is ever built to be overweight. We need to take care of our bodies regardless of the kids we have, the jobs we hold or the stresses that surround us.
Thanks for eloquently responding to the post in a way that doesn’t attack or demean either side.
ho THANK YOU for that great post
You’re just as bad as the person who wrote the whole whale/mermaid thing.
“You just have to stop being lazy and making excuses for being overweight at the same time.”
REALLY? Wow, didn’t you just say that you disliked how fat people are harshly judged? You don’t know me. You don’t know my history, yet you JUST made a sweeping assumption about overweight people. A harsh one!
I’m overweight. I’ve been overweight for 20 years, and you can bet your ass I am not lazy. I’ve been to doctors, nutritionists, dietitians, naturopaths and no one can explain why my energy expenditure is higher than my calorie intake, yet the scale will not move. One doctor told me I was obviously lying that its simply CI/CO. I bought a body bug, I’ve got food tracking software, aps for my phone etc. I’ve read all the books, done the calculations. I know what science says that I have to be doing to loose weight. And I’ve DONE it. I do it every day.
Calories in/Calories out does not work for everyone, and there is a lot of research out there to support this. Perhaps you should educate yourself.
I have a personal trainer that I work with 3x a week, and I do cardio 5x a week, I also do pushups and other body weight excercises on days when I am not with my trainer. But I guess that would be seen as making excuses too.
I’m gluten intolerant, so I have to eat whole foods (gluten is in many foods), in fact I struggle to even eat enough on some days.
But according to you, fat people are going for an extra 5 bowls of ice cream and are lazy while making excuses for their weight.
I am far from lazy. But I’m also fat. I can also kick a skinny girls ass in the weight room.
I can out perform most women my age that are “skinny” in the weight room, and I can run further and faster than they can. But are they fit? No. Skinny people can be unhealthy too. Just like fat people can be awesomely fit and healthy!
I took that silly whale/mermaid story as a story about self acceptance, that perhaps our ideal “normal” for the female body, isn’t so normal, maybe we all have a normal set point. It was a silly story, but it made people think, it made people discuss things.
I have to set my mind on being fit and strong instead of being “skinny” because I’ve pretty much come to accept that its not going to happen for me. If I focus on SKINNY while I spend hours in the gym and pounding the road at 6am with no results, I know that I will give up.
So I focus on lifting more than my trainer and improving my 5k times.
I’m sorry that you feel offended. However, outside of medical conditions, one can be fat only from (1) not moving enough, (2) not eating right, or (3) all 3 of them.
In your case, you are one of those who cannot lose simply by exercising and eating right. But there is an insanely low percentage of those with medical problems for their weight compared to those who could make a difference without the use of drugs. I was not talking about people with obvious medical set-backs. For most of the people in America with weight-related problems, things can be done to lose the weight simply by moving more and changing eating habits. Not EVERYONE who is overweight has a medical condition.
Even if the woman in the story was very fit and she wrote an article like this, the point is that even though YOU may be exercising and doing things right, saying things like “We gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that it spreads all over our body, etc…” still inspires a lot of overweight woman everywhere to not change. Self-acceptance is a good thing, but a lot of women who do not want to take the time to go through the process will read something like this and feel a sense of empowerment and will continue to be set in their own ways. And yes, it is true. I have seen it many times.
Again, NOTHING AT ALL WRONG WITH EMPOWERMENT! Nothing wrong with accepting and loving yourself. But there is no need to sugar-coat things either.
I never said ALL overweight people do this, or that ALL overweight people do that. You’re putting words in my mouth, taking what I say and instead of considering it with a grain of salt you blow it up in proportion and make me seem like I’m the bad one. I simply said “You can enjoy ice cream with your kids without going for seconds and thirds.” And considering the obesity rate in North America right now, I think it’s safe to say that there are more than one or two over-indulging people.
Obviously if you have been diagnosed with a metabolic disorder that is one thing, but at least 90% of overweight women will THINK they have some sort of metabolic disorder when they really just need to make a lifestyle change. They say things like “It’s my metabolism!” or “It’s genetics!” and all that stuff, but MOST of the time, it’s not. And that’s what I’m talking about.
I am NOT saying that anyone should be “skinny” and that “skinny” is the right thing. And I even stated that if you are a thin girl and unhealthy or underweight that you needed to change your habits to get healthier. From what you say, you are obviously doing your best to stay healthy and fit which I think is very commendable. This article is not for you. Best of luck with everything!
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Looks like this was quite the thought-provoking little meme that’s been going around the interwebs. It inspired my post today too!
I’m glad I wasn’t the only person laughing my ass off while reading this. Some info I dug up in all of 5 minutes to back up how absolutely ridiculous her argument was:
“About one-third of U.S. adults (33.8%) are obese. Approximately 17% (or 12.5 million) of children and adolescents aged 2—19 years are obese. During the past 20 years, there has been a dramatic increase in obesity in the United States and rates remain high. In 2010, no state had a prevalence of obesity less than 20%. Thirty-six states had a prevalence of 25% or more; 12 of these states (Alabama, Arkansas, Kentucky, Louisiana, Michigan, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma, South Carolina, Tennessee, Texas, and West Virginia) had a prevalence of 30% or more.”
Link – http://www.cdc.gov/obesity/data/trends.html
Also interesting, here’s a map showing the distribution of obesity in the U.S.
Link – http://apps.nccd.cdc.gov/DDT_STRS2/NationalDiabetesPrevalenceEstimates.aspx?mode=OBS
Oh, and on the flip side?
“Results from the 2003-2006 National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey (NHANES), using measured heights and weights, indicate that an estimated 1.8% of U.S. adults are underweight…”
Link – http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/hestat/underweight/underweight_adults.htm
-All information quoted from the Center for Disease Control
We need to be much harsher and quit with the pc everybody is a winner bullshit. Over the past 20 years this is trending to our children and childhood obesity rates have more than doubled. We’re killing ourselves off with food and inactivity, plain and simple. This is largely a culturally distributed issue, not a “I have a legitimate disease that I’m fighting tooth and nail through” issue.
Great stuff. If only we could get this post to circulate as well as the one you’re arguing against.
Yeah, that is going around like crazy on facebook and it is admittedly a little exhausting. There is nothing wrong with being overweight, within reason, and with good overall health! It is silly to “encourage” it though… I agree and love your post!
amen!!
I loved this post. I chose not to circulate or even get into debate with people regarding the whale/mermaid thing. When I encourage folks in their health and fitness journey…I tell them to be a size YOU. Meaning…not all of us are built to be a size 2 or whatever society says is beautiful. We were designed differently but we only get this one body on earth…so we better try and take care of it.
I wish everyone could see past the fat portion of the story and see the woman’s true beauty. Yes America is fatter than it use to be. Yes alot of fat women are that way cuz they choose to be lazy. Yes we just might be able to work towards that kind of body. No I dont want to, here’s why:
“You just have to stop being lazy and making excuses for being overweight at the same time.” Did you ever stop to consider the thinner women make excuses every time they stare at a bigger woman?
“Does it feel good when you have difficulty walking several flights of stairs without becoming breathless and have to take the elevator?”
I have asthma, NOT FROM BEING OVERWEIGHT but from Prior military service. So tell me, if I tried to do many flights of stairs to aspire to what you, amongst others, think will help my weight… Guess what can happen? LAND ME IN THE HOSPITAL!
“Does the ice cream taste as good to you after taking a visit to the doctor to hear that there is fat accumulated around your vital organs?” So I guess you’ve never had a menstrual cycle where you ate a good amount of ice cream, or a box of cookies, or bags of popcorn? Woman please….
“Does the joint pain and sluggishness ever get to you?” I have joint pain sometimes due to hyperextension in my elbows & knees, which Ive had since a kid, NOT DUE TO WEIGHT!
“But by the time your stomach is hanging over your pants, it’s time to start being a little less fat and happy and get serious about your health” Ive seen some skinny women who wear the damn ass hipphuggers too small for their butt, therefore creating the “rollover” of their stomach. Or better yet, how about the skinny with tight clothes, and it ends up showing their bones? I dont think it’s attractive at all! You want us to dress appropriate, so should all women. I’m a size 14, but Ive had many a woman not know my stomach is flabby, I choose clothes that not only hide but flatter my shape!
Those are the only things I critisize. Everything else really does make sense, whales dont sing great, I love mermaids, & if they existed Id want to be one. I sinserely get why the thinner society sees this as a joke. The woman did indeed exaggerate her point: we arent fat we have wisdom blah blah. Yes I find that bs too.
The main point in all this is that regardless of size we are all women and made beautiful individually. Am I advocating fatness? Most certainly not. In fact for myself I love Herbalife. I dont lose much but I am much healthier. I also work out, however I am a full time student, and half the time too busy or too exhausted to spend hours in the gym. Id rather get homework done and practice my studies than spend too much time working out.
Am I deliberately criticizing skinny women for being their lovely size? Definitely not. I did want to point out some flaws of what you dont consider. Case in point: Things like medical history that causes weight gain, not the other way around. Directly related to women, my sister has 4 kids, skinny as hell (size 4) but couple years ago she got cancer, had a hystorectomy, made her blow up way bigger than me. Now it’s extremely hard for her to lose, & with 4 kids she barely has time!
Skinny people have to consider there are many reasons why we are big. If you want to talk shit for watching me eat a candy bar, I will talk shit seeing a girl puking what she just ate! Plain and simple people, give and take.
Let’s all stop hating and see inner beauty ok, otherwise humanity goes down the drain. Most of my friends are way skinny, but they see past my belly & see the real me. How many woman constantly bitch cuz men only see their boob or ass? How many women cry cuz their bf looks at other women? So we as a gender want men to see the real us, see our inner beauty right? So why are we as a gender not doing that to ourselves and women in general?
I appreciate your thoughts. No one it hating, though.
My mother is very overweight. She has extreme joint pain from her weight which sometimes makes it hard to walk up and down the stairs. She breathes heavy. If she went to the doctor right now, she would probably be afraid for her life if she doesn’t make a change. I have tried my best for YEARS, but only she can change herself. While you may be an exception because you experienced these things not due to being overweight, a lot of unfortunate people do.
PLEASE refer to my post that I just wrote yesterday, titled “Double Standards”.
I don’t know what point you’re trying to bring across with the whole “menstrual cycle” thing, to be honest.
However, I think that you may need to go back and re-read the post, as I’m not advocating “skinny” or “fat” or whatever. I’m promoting a healthy, fit body. Sure, anyone can wear very tight pants and have it dig into their skin, or they can be “skinny-fat” which means they’re slim but have no muscle and basically just fat, and so they will have a higher percentage of body fat, but that’s not what I was talking about. And I had clearly just mentioned that if a girl is so thin (i.e. bones) that she is not operating correctly, she is just as unhealthy. It appears as though you didn’t read my post at all.
“If you want to talk shit for watching me eat a candy bar, I will talk shit seeing a girl puking what she just ate! ”
No one is talking shit. This line I found to be quite offensive, seeing as eating a candy bar is not a mental and emotional disease like an eating disorder such as bulimia. Have some more tact, please, because NO ONE is talking about people with medical issues on this post.
For the rest of the post…again, read my most current post called “Double Standards”. That should clear some things up for you.
Last thought is about your last paragraph. Inner beauty is wonderful of course, but you do have to realize that men are VERY physical creatures, whereas women are more emotional ones. Men will ALWAYS look at other women, and they will always be looking at boobs and ass. It’s a biological thing, not something that can be fixed with inner beauty (unfortunately).
Having been overweight, borderline obese at my worst and gotten down from there to that so called “normal” range of weight (now stayed there for seven years) I have to say that I agree with your post. That post does absolutely more harm than good.
On the other hand it can be argued that people like me are the worst weight nazis. Well, I don’t count myself to that group. I don’t discriminate fat people, I don’t think that behavioral problems with food necessarily spread to other areas of life. It is just extremely easy area to mess with immature and sloppy behavior (in the end you are only doing harm to yourself and even that via indulgence – which is exactly what you need, right?) – and one of the hardest behavioral areas to correct.
But what I do know that the point about responsibility is 100% right for most overweight people. Like we have to take the responsibility about our own finances, our alcohol consumption, taking care of our families – one has to grow to take the responsibility of one’s own weight. That can be summed up to simple principles (“eat only what you expend”) but that being fundamentally simple does not mean it is easy. Everyone struggling with the other areas mentioned know that. The difference with fatness to other behavioral problems is that your appearance tells loud about your situation. Ultimately this creates the deadlock situation of being overweight. It is very hard to respect yourself if you don’t feel respected by others. Heck, even many alcoholics can often have a facade and live as a respected members of this society.
I still have to say that I have very mixed feelings about this current fat acceptance or “self love” movement – even though what I just said about the respect and self-respect. Personally I think it is unnatural in this contemporary society how much women still want to be defined via “beauty”. Fuck beauty (pardon my french)! Sure there are beautiful people in this world – but for some reason females stuck into this whiny “I want to feel beautiful” thought cycle – which is totally unhealthy for one’s self esteem. Imagine “intelligence” in place of “beauty” on that and you instantly get how ridiculous that is. There are so many attributes to define oneself, to grow into. Beauty is just one, and honestly all women are not created equal.
I’m not saying that one should not respect herself. On the contrary. I’m saying that it would be ultimately healthy to build one’s self image around another attributes than beauty. Love and companionship is not reserved to beautiful people, only. The responsibility of taking care of your own body is not limited to beautiful people only – and you are not doing it for beauty, you are doing it because you are the only person who ultimately _can_ take care of yourself. The small step required for me was switching my focus from being (or actually not being) something (“not being beautiful”) to actually doing something (“changing my lifestyle to support lower body weight goals”). It helped me a lot more than fat acceptance ever did, psychologically and behaviorally.
What else can I say about my journey to normal body weight… …well, the initial start was easy (after many, many failed attempts) because I finally found a way that worked for me – limiting carbs – focusing to eliminating the processed food out from my diet and preparing over 60%-80% of my own meals all the time – and when I don’t being careful enough to pick the options that are compliant enough to my diet. And adding some regular exercise when I felt comfortable with that.
What took significantly longer was my new behavioral patterns to truly ingrain to my brain and daily life AND learning away from emotional eating and feeling sorry for myself. Food is just food, it does not fix my other problems. To maintain what I have achieved I have to be compliant to my new lifestyle, in relatively tight frame – not totally slip free and perfect, but I always need to get back to the habits that work for me – the sooner the better. I also have to be persistent. I think that the ultimate diet fad is to speak about diets like they were something you do for a while and then back to normal. No! Diet is a lifestyle you are able to maintain till you die. I had to accept that and it was not easy. I also had to accept that the tighter I want to be the stricter will my diet be – so it might be that I’m not in my ultimate original goal – but rather in a state where maintaining my current weight and having a “culinary life” enjoyable enough are in balance.
Thanks for this. I think your approach is not offensive, just thought provoking.
Very long…but I read it all! Great post, thanks for sharing.
Out of all the responses (and even the original blogger’s post), I find yours to be the best and (speaking as an overweight person) most realistic response to the FB post.
Women/men like me who are overweight wear our burdens on the outside. Everyone has issues, they just may not wear them for all the world to see. Some people are obsessively organized (not always bad, but not necessarily good when taken to the extreme), some drink, some shop too much, some are mean-spirited, etc. Weight is the one everyone can immediately see and criticize – both thin and fat.
Weight loss is not easy. And it’s not because people don’t know “how” (eat less, move more, eat the right foods). It’s because many have some sort of mental/emotional issue (outside of those with physical medical conditions, of course) that they need to move past. They eat to cover up emotions, stress, when they are happy, or because they eat sugar and just can’t stop themselves (yes, it’s an excuse, but it still has to be dealt with before the person can overcome it), etc. Yes, 10-15 extra pounds may be laziness of drive thrus, too many pizzas, our over-processed society, etc., but more than that often points to a deeper issue.
Speaking as someone who has gained and lost the same 30-40 pounds at least 3 times in my life, I know how discouraging it is to lose 25 pounds and still be criticized for being fat. I am fat, I know I’m fat, and even losing 20 pounds, I’m still fat – but it’s very discouraging and hard to feel good when after all that hard work, I still get pounded on for still being too fat for society. It turns into a viscous cycle – why bother working to lose those 20 pounds if I’m still just as criticized as when I was heavier? I realize this is an anecdotal story, but I think there is a hint of some universal truth here. Constant criticism does *not* equal motivation. It’s often quite the opposite, and I think that’s why some people feel the need to post things like that FB thing about whales.
The FB post was goofy and I get why the blogger felt it was necessary to take it apart. At the same time, however, I don’t think she really understands the problem well enough to comment on it. Yes, she is right that the reason most people gain weight is:
“My excuse for weight gain this past year? I ate. A lot. That’s about it.”
but figuring out why some felt the need to “eat a lot” and how to prevent it from happening again is fundamental. People have to be living under a rock in a barn in the desert not to know they need to move more, eat less and eat right. But what is really going on that’s causing them not to? How come they are not up to par in this area of life? Until that is addressed, the rest of it can’t follow.
[...] (Cookie Monster) Her rebuttal to the facebook post about fat vs. skinny that flooded everyone’s feeds Her follow-up to her rebuttal (Those thoughts reflect her [...]
GREAT Post! If you can honestly say you feel good and healthy for the most part, then it doesn’t matter what size you are in my opinion. We all have our things we’d like to improve but I get concerned when people justify harmful habits with self-righteous excuses simply because they don’t want to change.
It IS a constant effort to maintain a healthy lifestyle. It does take discipline and commitment. Nobody’s perfect, but we should certainly be encouraging those taking action to be better in any way and not glorifying an ‘attitude’ that a commitment to health is overrated or not worth the sacrifice of comfortable, self-destructive habits.
I don’t understand why some people are being offensive about this post. The blogger didn’t put anyone down. Just stated that a comment that another woman posted was rediculus. Come on, it was. I’m sorry, but overweight people don’t need to give excuse after excuse about their weight. Just get off the couch, walk around, play with your kids(or grandchildren) and stay away from over indulging. Everything said is true! HEALTH IS BEAUTY. I’m my opinion, the only people who are getting angry over this are the ones who do come up with excuses for their weight.
Arguments like this always astonish me, to be frank.
Inner beauty and peace is great. Regardless of your shape, I support all of that. If you’re ugly on the inside then it’s only so long before the gilding comes off the outside anyway.
However, you’re reading a fitness blog. One that focuses on developing a lean, fit, strong female physique. If you’re at peace with yourself and your current physique, then you’ll have no problem with the author making general statements about most of the (overweight) public and the rallying cry that is being made towards that goal.
It’s not her goal.
It’s not the goal of a lot of her readers.
For those readers who are happy with where they are and are just looking for an occasional fitness tip and some entertainment here or there, then sit back, have a beer, and take the long view. You’re not the ones being addressed.
The problem is that most people aren’t like you. They’re not healthy. They’re not happy. However, they ARE lazy. They ARE looking for excuses to stay fat, unhealthy, and lazy. So when little poems and stories like this start going around it serves to tell them that they shouldn’t have to change their (unhealthy) behaviors and improve their lives… this is as good as it gets.
And for them, it probably is.
Isaac
I love whales! Go whales!